On Listening and the dangers of Empathy

Workshops: I run small practice- based workshops on this topic. Contact me if you want details.

2 Harry Potter Lego minifigs next to each other

Making a space for listening

Minifig pushes postcard onto table — it has a cut out square gap in the middle
One minifig is in the space in middle of card and the other on the edge of postcard

Being sympathetic

Minifig points at words on card about sympathy being respectful compassion

Reflection

Minifig has moved to another card to point at text about paraphrasing

Asking

At another corner, the minifig points at text about Asking

Empathy

Minifig stands at final corner — on empathy and and the dangers for both speaker and listener

Entering their space

Both minifigs are now crammed in the space in the middle of card

Your stories, your personal luggage

Minifig who had been outside centre is now waving suitcase inside the middle space
The minifig who had been in centre space originally is now alone again but the suitcase remains

Holding a space for listening

Returning to original idea of one minifig inside space in centre of postcard & other outside, holding the postcard
  • You need to be sympathetic or else the person will be alone
  • You can be reflective so a person can listen to themself
  • You can carefully ask questions to help uncover unspoken words
  • You can use empathy but be aware of its consequences

Workshops

I am running Learning To Listen workshops on structured conversation and active listening and am happy to chat about running them inside organisations and at conferences.

*Footnote on Empathy and Experiences

This post was written in 2018 and this footnote is from 2020. Lots of things have changed but there is quite a big bias on my part at this point in the post that needs discussing in more depth.

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Sensory Design Consultant, usability researcher and workshop facilitator. www.linkedin.com/in/alastair-somerville-b48b368 Twitter @acuity_design & @visceralUX

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Alastair Somerville

Sensory Design Consultant, usability researcher and workshop facilitator. www.linkedin.com/in/alastair-somerville-b48b368 Twitter @acuity_design & @visceralUX